Silence won

The roar of uncertainty pressed my face to the mirror.

I calmly asked, in a space of questions and riddles ” What do I truly see here? What is unmasked? What is unmarked?”

The only reply I received was the reflection. You are too intense for understanding. Tears streamed past the blurred lines of vision. I will never be able to see myself here.

When I travel through my days I have this version, this lens, that leads me. I feel wholly complete , even in my imperfections. I feel abundant hope and a shining within.

But inside the maze of the mirror, I often get lost.

Silence won when winning didn’t matter. When tearing through difficulty with words left me more mute than before. Silence won when trepidation pushed me to voice opinion and opinion sliced me to the bone with cold quiet apathy in return. Silence won when I thought words mattered. When I needed them to matter. When I thought time was on my side.

Silence won in a place of being defeated by everything around me. For I can turn off the whirlwind and find quiet no matter what spins around me.

Silence won when I wanted words to pierce or piece together. I wanted an instead, but silence offered something else. I can tangle or untangle in the what is. I will my way through these obstacles of fate anyway, so might as well do both.

Settling into the swimming currents of quiet, I can find I float if I just let go and get buoyant once again. It’s time I rise and gather what I know and pack it away.

That’s enough silence for one day.

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