Once Upon a Time…

Creativity tapped me on the shoulder and told me a story about itself and where it’s at.

If I were to personify my fiction series, it would be a maiden sitting with me at the fire, inviting me to engage in a conversation to just sit quiet and listen. It has things to teach me. More than just grammar and punctuation these days.

I have attempted to approach the fire many a time, only to be greeted by strangers who are looking to take her story instead. Too many onlookers. Too many thieves in the woods trying to gather what does not belong to them.

She’s been in hiding…afraid to whisper the secrets of the story to come.

Sometimes she comes in bursts of song and she embraces me with this beauty and unfolds and unfurls and I have to get her voice onto the page as soon as possible…

She whispered to me today, “I’ve been scared of coming out. I’ve been scared of sharing my voice right now. I’ve been scared of what would happen if I open up and too many people with these prying hands- what they will do to me. I feel the world will tear me apart if it’s not just you and I in this moment. Can it be just you and I in this moment so I can tell you my secrets instead of the rest of the world?”

What do you say in return when your creativity runs shy into hiding? “Please come out! There are people waiting!”

Probably the same ones she might be terrified of.

Silence won

The roar of uncertainty pressed my face to the mirror.

I calmly asked, in a space of questions and riddles ” What do I truly see here? What is unmasked? What is unmarked?”

The only reply I received was the reflection. You are too intense for understanding. Tears streamed past the blurred lines of vision. I will never be able to see myself here.

When I travel through my days I have this version, this lens, that leads me. I feel wholly complete , even in my imperfections. I feel abundant hope and a shining within.

But inside the maze of the mirror, I often get lost.

Silence won when winning didn’t matter. When tearing through difficulty with words left me more mute than before. Silence won when trepidation pushed me to voice opinion and opinion sliced me to the bone with cold quiet apathy in return. Silence won when I thought words mattered. When I needed them to matter. When I thought time was on my side.

Silence won in a place of being defeated by everything around me. For I can turn off the whirlwind and find quiet no matter what spins around me.

Silence won when I wanted words to pierce or piece together. I wanted an instead, but silence offered something else. I can tangle or untangle in the what is. I will my way through these obstacles of fate anyway, so might as well do both.

Settling into the swimming currents of quiet, I can find I float if I just let go and get buoyant once again. It’s time I rise and gather what I know and pack it away.

That’s enough silence for one day.